AC-TC 💜

2022 was ending.

Fresh out of college, I am a 19-year-old girl travelling 3 hours everyday to the office and earning peanuts. After it gets too toxic and I decide to head out. Personal life is always the first priority to me, then comes the professional aspect and I always walk out when it's a question about my self-respect. 

Over the years, I have realized that as much as I give my heart and soul to everything I do, it’s also very easy for me to walk away. It would break me, however I know I would put myself back together again.

So there I was serving my notice period; My sole goal was to take a break and decide what to do next. But, at the back of my mind, I knew the financial condition of my house demands me to bring in the money. The EMIs are pricks in my dreams.

Then one day, I received a message on LinkedIn, someone called Swetha reaching out to me about a vacancy. I emailed my resume without a second thought, nothing to lose. Nothing to gain. But, they shortlisted my profile and set up my interview.

So, it was 19th October, when I stepped inside ACTC Studio Pvt Ltd to attend the second-ever interview of my life. I sat on the black couch, my resume clutched in my hand— a simple one I typed on a word document. Nervous, but also confident in myself. I’m a great content writer. I am a great writer.

I look up to my left and there’s a quote hanging from the walls that read:

“Fortune favours the brave”

I took a deep breath. It was going to be fine. 

“Hello, I’m Divya. The manager of the digital team”

“Hello, I’m Yutika!”

I performed my skill test on my phone (I didn’t have a laptop) and answered the questions well, but I rode the metro back home with tears in my eyes. I was crying stupid tears over a stupid manchild who couldn’t fucking pick up my calls or answer my texts. I look back and I want to hold my little girl; my girl who knew how to love but didn’t know what love was and got consumed by the turmoil of a red flag.  

But, the 19-year-old Yutika was at the cusp of a new beginning. 

Everything was going to change for the better.

After contemplation and back and forths with my mother, I decided to join ACTC Studio. It was a long journey, almost 3 hours of my day would go towards the travel, no better than my first office in Perungudi. But something pulled me in and I took it. (I suspect CMRL was the main reason, I had already fallen in love with the metro.)

8th November 2022.

The day after one of the most horrible birthdays in my entire life (iykyk) and another night I cried myself to sleep, I woke up as if nothing happened. I wore a decent outfit and I found myself at Anna Nagar. 

On my first day at ACTC, they cut a cake for me. Welcoming me into their family and celebrating my birthday. 

Yutika knew this was a new chapter. She found the courage to dump the trash out of her life. She didn’t want to fight for love. Nobody has to fight for love. She was so tired of constantly giving and giving love and begging for love that never came her way. She was asking someone to treat her right and feeding on scraps. Yutika didn’t know better, I won’t blame her. It was a canon event and she had to learn the lessons.

Back at ACTC, 

It wasn’t easy, the first few days. I had so much to learn, I was writing copies and post descriptions left and right. Digital Marketing was new to me, but I was excited to be learning something new and it kept my mind off other things. OKAY TANGENT TIME.

December 2022.

Barely one month had passed by and the universe threw another curveball at me.

My mother got really sick, her haemoglobin levels dropped to a 3.8 g/dL. Death was knocking at my doorstep.

I took my mother to the Chrompet GH, where they told us to go to the Rajiv Gandhi one in Central. My aunt and uncle helped me to admit her. I was scared, I was petrified, but through my fear I called the doctor who was taking the patient history aside.

“She has schizophrenia”

“What?”

“My mother has paranoid schizophrenia. She doesn’t know. Please keep it a secret, but note it down on her history”

“Does she have suicidal tendencies? What pill does she take?”

“No, she takes olanzaphine. 10 mg”

“Okay”

“Fortune favours the brave”

I repeat the proverb to myself over and over again. 

I didn’t have very bad luck after all, my mother’s sisters stood by me. We needed blood. 3 units. I called up my friends who donated. A few of them were my new co-workers from ACTC. They showed up without a second thought. 

I remember apologizing and thanking them profusely. I had absolutely nothing to offer anyone except my gratitude. My mother has to stay in the hospital for 1 week. I had to WFH a few days and take off for the rest. I was shuttling to Anakaputhur and Central like a tennis ball soaking in sleep deprivation and panic. It didn’t hit me then, but that experience had completely changed me as a person (Maybe this should be another blog), but in a single line, we saved her.

My mother came back to me. Death knocked on my doorstep and I turned it away. 

COMING BACK TO THE TOPIC, 

After joining ACTC, I knew it was going to be a long journey. I was falling in love with my new routine - Ice lollies in the morning, beautiful Anna Nagar roads, smiling faces, and interesting tasks.

I had supposedly found another ‘love’ (Maybe another blog, MAYBE NOT).

Most of all, I WAS EARNING MORE MONEY. 

I can’t express how much of a relief it is. To have financial independence. I had the freedom to buy clothes that I like and eat what I like and buy things that I like. I was gaining confidence. I was in the middle of my evolution. 

I was comfortable at my job, I knew somewhere in the back of my mind, Digital Marketing maybe wasn’t my cup of tea. But, I was having fun and I was exploring many things.

I absolutely loved my team, I was forming friendships that were akin to family. Aziz bhai and Divya were becoming close to me. On the other side, I still had a house loan and gold loans to pay off, so I stayed. 

It was going smoothly and well until:

September 2023 came around and there was a huge setback (concert, iykyk) and I had fallen in love with ACTC, this was my home, this was my family. So, I stayed still. It was an emotionally and mentally very frustrating and helpless time for the whole team and things started acting up in my personal life. 

Eventually my mental health crumbled but I held on strong at ACTC. 

Life went on so did my quest for healthy love and self-love. 

2024 will always be the best and worst year of my life.

November 2024.

My birthday rolled in and for the first time, I took my vacation leaves (5 days) to celebrate it with Manan. I was going strong into therapy and my survival mode was fading; I was battling with anxiety, but things were overall looking good. I was beginning to focus on myself and slowly the thought of finding a different career path was growing strong. My love for writing was like a green pea buried under 20 mattresses and one by one, all of them were disappearing and it was difficult to ignore it anymore. Digital marketing was definitely not for me. I should probably find my calling.

In the midst of all these confusions, the universe had another trick under its sleeve.

Death came to my doorstep once again. 

But, it didn’t knock or ring the bell this time.

It broke down my door. 

I was left to hold pieces of timber and my heart. 

The auto guy looks at me from the mirror, “Thairiyama iru ma”

“Fortune favours the brave”

I heard the words but I thought my life was over. I couldn’t see the future anymore. I wanted to un-exist. Through it all, I still held on. Why? How? I don’t know. But I did.

My ACTC family was there for me. They held me through my tears. Every day it became a bit easier to take another breath. When I broke down randomly, they didn't question. My brother, Gautham, knew. He sat beside me silently and lent me his hand. Subashini took me out on walks and let me rant. Divya checked on me often. Santhosh designed my book cover, I had a list of things I had to do before "moving" with my life: cutting my hair, getting a tattoo, publishing a book.

When I completed all of them, it was time. It was time to leave. I knew it was time for a new chapter. I needed to find my own path. I had less time left. I couldn’t do it anymore. I didn’t want to wish my life away and hope I did something else when I laid on my deathbed. It was time. 

31st July 2025.

My last day at ACTC. I was very emotional, but I did not shed a tear. I was leaving with happy memories, strength, and experiences that no amount of money could buy you. I was leaving, but with love and blessings of family: blood of covenant is thicker than water of the womb. I was leaving, because change is the only constant in life.

The 22-year-old Yutika has evolved beyond recognition. I look back at the younger me, I cringe at many points, but I love her. She tried her best at every point of her life. She continued to love. She continues to love. She chooses herself and now, finally, after 3 years of a rollercoaster, she chose to embark on a journey towards her dreams. I don’t know what path she will walk towards, but she won’t have any regrets. She will not die with regrets.

It is true that a wisp of my soul continues to live in the ACTC office, Anna Nagar roads, Tower Park, Metro stations, tea shops, tiffin centres, McRennett, Glenns, and my dear old tree friends.

But, I walk out of the same office and a mantra guides me on.

“Fortune favours the brave”

And one day, when I look back at my life, I will always have a fond smile on my face when I think of this era. 

AC-TC.

Signing out,

Yutika ~

Spongebob.