The Constant Evolution of Instagram Usernames & Self-Love

11th April 2024 | 10:38 AM | CMRL

Anyone OG to me would know that this is the 3rd time I have revamped my blog site. I started with the name 'Anything & Everything', which I thought would allow me to talk about... well, anything and everything... (I was 16, and I thought that was very creative. Cut me some slack)

Fingertip full of blogs and two laptop breakdowns later, some major tragedies occurred, and I withdrew. I changed the name and design, yet again to "The Forgotten Gods" with a profound quote. I'm aware I treated my blog like dyeing my hair. One depressing blog later, that site was forgotten... The sheer irony.

So, after a couple of heartbreaks, I'm back again with better perseverance. The third time's the charm, right? The story goes like this, I went from wanting to talk about everything to talking about nothing. I have always struggled to choose particular things to associate with my identity.

Should I go with a mysterious vibe? Cheerful and bubbly personality? The stoic and successful boss bitch? The heartbroken poet who has forgone the world and human societies to seek refuge amongst the mountains and beaches and ramble eulogies to the wild?

I didn't know. I couldn't choose. All options seem very tempting. The same thing happened when I was trying to choose an Instagram name for my (also evolved around 3-4 times) writing account (which is no longer just a writing account and has taken on multiple roles).

So how the fuck do I choose a name? Then, my very genius brain realized that I did have a name. I was given one from birth. My name. My name. This might be one of the silliest sentences I have ever written and the most embarrassing things ever happened to me.

But it also made me realize that I struggle with self-identity. In the past 7 years, I have always been searching for a cover. Another object. Something else. SOMEONE ELSE. Anything that could help me define myself. To label myself. I have craved for validation. Be it from friends or crushes, my cruel parents, or my physics grade. My happiness and self-worth always stemmed from external sources and never myself. What did I want? What did I like? What was my original opinion? I didn't bother to ask myself anything.

I realized I let everyone else be the author of my story. AND WHAT A SHAME IS THAT??? Insult. #offended.

Me to 2016 Yutika: Why u did tis? 🥲

I was about to be mean to her but realized she did her best at that time. Her only thought was survival and barely hanging on and I need to give her the credits. I could never be who I am right now without her.

Remember. Staying kind to you also means being kind to all the versions of yourself. In the journey of self-love, it's important to embrace the older versions.

It took me this long to finally embrace myself for who I am. Me. I'm me. I'm Yutika Sagar. I'm THE Yutika Sagar. One and only. One in 8 billion.

It was sad to realize the amount of time I had wasted along the way. Full credit to my parents and the low self-esteem they gave me. But I survived the journey. I crawled out of one of the holes they dug into my soul. I'm not completely outside yet. The sunlight is still on the farthest side of the tunnel. But, at least I can see it now. I don't have to console myself saying that there will be light while sitting in the pitch-black void of pain.

Enough rambling, so I'm back again and for good. I will be rambling more about random things here and there. About my life. My thoughts. And random memories. This time is more about me and more FOR me. This blog will finally be a digital journal of my journey and one day, I'll read these and reminisce.

And you are welcome to join me, if you stick around to read all of it, I'll gift wrap a tiny piece of my soul and courier it to you. Perhaps you might even end up in one of these blogs. Because a lot of you reading this are important to me and are a part of my core memories (at this point, I'm not yet popular and it's just my close circle of friends and soulmates)

SO SPREAD THE WORD.

Bully your other friends to subscribe to my blog and I'll dedicate a post to you. (Totally not a bribery) 😊 Also, tell me how to market this blog to the public audience? 🤔 How do I launch this? Tell me your ideas.

With love,

Yutika

PS: This is a mandatory introduction blog, more fun (sad/deep) blogs to follow.